


Dear Louis,

by bloobeary



Category: One Direction
Genre: Death, M/M, sad so sad, warning: this is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 20:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2481206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloobeary/pseuds/bloobeary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry writes Louis a letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Louis,

**Author's Note:**

> i cried while writing this so

Louis sat in the car, staring at his shiny black shoes. He felt like he was suffocating in his suit. He didn't want to be in a suit, he wanted to be in pajamas. Under a mountain of blankets. In the dark. 

"Louis, you have to get out." Liam said, putting his hand on Louis' wrist. 

"Leave me alone, Liam." Louis mumbled weakly. 

"Louis. Right now." Liam said sternly and pulled him out of the car. 

"I don't fucking want to be here, Liam." Louis whined, keeping his eyes on his feet. He silently thanked Liam for holding him up. 

"Do you think any of us do?" He snapped, and sighed. "You have to. Be strong for your daughter." Liam said, and they stopped walking. Louis felt a small hand slip into his, and he looked down at Darcy's big blue eyes. 

"Hi love." Louis managed to say. "Just hold my hand, okay? We'll be okay." Louis said reassuringly and Darcy nodded. Louis sighed and looked up at the sky. It was partly cloudy. Good. 

How he made it through the two hour long ceremony without throwing up was a mystery to him. On top of that, he managed to get himself up on the podium and actually speak. Everything was blurry, as if he was wearing very dirty glasses. Very dirty, waterlogged glasses. After the deed was done, he stumbled over to his family, exchanging long hugs with everyone. He noticed that Gemma had picked up Darcy and made a mental note to thank her for that later. His hands found Anne and pulled her in for a tight hug. She mumbled something into his chest, and Louis felt like his whole body had been ripped in half as he let out a wet sob. 

About half an hour later, everyone had pretty much left. But Louis was standing in the grass, staring at the writing on the stone. He didn't like it. It should say something like "forever wondering if bananas have feelings" or "maybe one day giraffes will be able to fit into elevators". This was too serious, too solemn. 

"Louis." He head Liam say. He didn't turn around. Instead, he walked to the other side of the stupid stone, and sat down in the damp grass, not caring that he would ruin his suit. Fuck this suit. 

Liam spoke again and Louis sighed. "Give me a bloody second, okay?" He snapped. "Sorry. I just. Give me a while. Go back to the car..." 

"Alright mate." Liam said, and Louis heard him walk away. 

Louis sighed and pulled out an envelope from his shirt pocket. He stared at the loopy letters on the front. He ran his fingers over the edges with shaky hands before taking a deep breath, and opening it. 

-My dearest Louis,   
If you’re reading this, then I’m probably gone. And you’re probably alone, sitting with your knees up against your chest. I miss you, darling. And I love you oh so incredibly much. Its going to be hard, being without me. And I think it’ll be hard for me too. But who knows, right? People will tell you that its better this way, and knowing you, you’ll deny those accusations out of hand. And I kind of agree with you, Lou. We’re better when we’re together. But alas, that can’t happen anymore. They’ll say; the pain will go away with time. But I don’t think it will. Because if you loved me as much as I love you, the pain will never go away. But I hope it gets easier. Because you deserve the best.   
I’m so sorry things had to go down like this. Maybe if I’d made smarter decisions when I was younger, we wouldn’t be in this situation. If I could turn back the clock, I definitely would. There are a lot of things I’d do differently in my life if I could, but I would never change meeting you. I love you. I am so in love with you. And I’m so sorry for this. I know its not my fault, and no one blames me but…I can’t shake the feeling that it is my fault. Anyways.   
I want you to remember all of the wonderful things we did together. Our first date where you spilled ice-cream on your shirt, the first time we slept in the same bed, the first time we met each other’s parents and families and how Daisy got glue stuck in my hair, the first time you ever cooked something successfully (Chicken stuffed with mozzarella wrapped in parma ham with a side of homemade mash), the first time we made love, the night I proposed, our wedding day and our wedding night, buying our first house, trying to put IKEA furniture together (and failing), Darcy, Darcy’s first words and first steps, her first day of preschool…so many more things, Lou. I know you know them. And I hope they never go away.   
My fingers are getting a little shaky now, so I’ll try to be brief. You’re asleep right now, while I write this. You’re slumped over in the green chair by the window that you’ve practically been living in for the last couple of months. You told me to wake you in ten minutes, but you need the sleep. Anyways, you are so incredibly wonderful. You’re such a wonderful husband, best friend, and father. Please don’t ever change. Take care of our baby girl. Let her know that I loved her so so much on the days when she feels hurt. Let yourself know that, too. Spend time with my mum, you know she loves you. Spend time with the lads. Please don’t isolate yourself. You need people in order to function. I’ve written Darcy a letter too, so give her it when she turns 18, okay?   
I can’t see straight, I think I’ve been up for longer than is good for me. There’s so much more I wish I could write, but I can’t find the words. I think I’ll just leave it at this.   
I love you, Louis. I love you so much. I’ll love you forever. You’re home. I miss you so much. Tell Darcy that I love her endlessly. 

Yours always,   
Harry -

Louis read it over twice, letting the tears fall freely down his face. He folded the letter back up and put it in his pocket again. He covered his face in his hands and sobbed into them. "Oh Harry." He cried, "I love you so much." He was aware that he was talking to himself, probably, but he didn't really care. "This is so unfair. You should be here with me. With Darcy. With your mum." He pressed the heel of his palms into his eyes. "I miss you so much please come back." Louis sobbed and looked up at the now dark grey sky. "Give him back." Louis said louder this time, and before he knew it, he was screaming. 

Liam somehow appeared and Louis was crying into his chest. "Louis, Lou, breathe." Liam said calmly. 

"I can't." Louis choked out. "I can't do this, Liam. I can't do this without him." Louis sobbed. 

"Yes, you can." Liam said softly, his voice breaking. "We're all going to have to." 

"I love him, he can't be gone." Louis cried, and looked up at Liam, whose eyes were watering too. "He can't be gone." He whimpered again, and Liam's lip quivered. 

"I know, Lou." Liam said, and pulled him back into a hug. "I know." 

A week later, Louis was making tea when Darcy padded into the kitchen in her pajamas. 

"Daddy." She said quietly, and Louis jumped. 

"Its three in the morning, love." Louis said, and picked her up. "What's wrong?" 

"Where's Dad?" She asked, rubbing her eyes. 

Louis sucked in a sharp breath and tried to speak past the lump in his throat. "He's um. You know when the sun comes up, and the sky is super beautiful?" She nodded and Louis continued. "That's where he is, baby." Louis said and kissed her forehead. "Lets get you back to sleep." 

"When's he coming back?" She asked, and Louis' heart broke. 

"I don't know, love. But he loves you." Louis said shakily. "And I love you too." 

"Can I sleep with you?" Darcy asked, yawning. 

Louis nodded and carried her to his room, turning off the kitchen light, leaving his tea on the counter forgotten. When she fell asleep again, he sighed and looked at the picture of him and Harry on his nightstand. 

"I love you." Louis sighed and turned his light off.


End file.
